Just breathe

Breathing a mindless life giving activity. We breathe on demand. The oxygen goes in and the carbon dioxide goes out. We live and die by the air we breathe. Breath is necessary for communication. It is our breath passing by our vocal folds and teeth and lips that gives life and death. It seems like my air is full of death these days. My words can be unkind and angry and frustrated. It hurts my heart. 

I live to die and die to live. It is only in dying that I can find life. Dying to caring about what others may think about me. Dying to gossip and slandering. How does one speak the truth in love? How does one promote life and not death? I need Air. I need You to be my air. I need to breathe in peace and breathe out peace. 

Let my words be few...

A Dangerous Liason

A Dangerous Liason, a partnership of power = God + woman. A woman's heart is fierce. If threaten her family she will take you out. What is God calling out today? PRAY. Women gather together and pray. Pray for your men, your nations, yourselves. What are our distractions? Body image - I'm not good enough. Children- I'm not a good enough mother. Marriage - Why does my husband not live me the way I need to be loved? Why am I not married? Relationships - Why do I have no friends? PRAY!The enemy does not want us to meet together. He wants us to stay isolated and selfish and ashamed.

Encourage one another daily as long as it is called Today. Women aren't we so good at this. We love to talk it is what we do, if you don't just wait till He heals you that you will. I used to hate talking on the phone now I'll spend hours with friends, my sister and mother.

Women RISE UP it is our turn to fulfill our destiny. We do not have a heritage of weak women. Our sisters were strong. They were Esther who stood be for a king for her people. Ruth who risked rejection to begin birthing the nation of Israel. Rahab who rescued her family by protecting God's people as they spied out her land.

So I say women of Canada arise and pray for your day has come. The day of the King's return is coming. Rise up and take your place fulfill your role in this story.

YOU ARE NOT REJECTED,
YOU ARE ACCEPTED.
YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN,
YOU ARE PURSUED.
AND YOU ARE LOVELY!

Arise and pray, arise and pray,
Arise and pray, arise and pray,
Arise and pray, arise and pray,
Arise and pray, arise and pray!

Hebrews 3:13, 10: 19-25

Choose Life:)

It's been a month to remember or forget depending on the day. My heart has been sorrowful these days. I miss my Grams, but yet I will praise him. Talking to a friend yesterday she reminded me that I don't have to let my feelings control me. I must say that there really can be joy and peace in the midst of sorrow. Thank you Jesus.

Who died and made us God?

Pompous paraffin headed pea brains. I think Jesus rose again because we'd all think we were God incarnate if he hadn't. How do we get over ourselves and stop treating one another like the plague when we disagree. Bah! I'm glad You're God almighty and not me.

Growth, change and the like

So life is full of growth and change. I don't mind it at all, but I appreciate structure and advanced notice. I have grown to appreciate the freedom that structure and boundaries bring. I am ...

To run or not to run? Is that really the question?

So I've decided to take up running, again. I'm hoping to ward off heart disease and varicose veins. I am going to pace myself so as not to over do it. I have a habit of jumping in with both feet and than tiring out or getting bored.

I just had my first workout or at least that what my app thinks. I like to test things out so I listened to my workout music and the couch to 5k lady telling me when to warm up/walk/run/cool down. Yep all from the comfort of my bed. I feel like this has been a first good step besides it started raining before I could get out of bed.

Now to get out of bed. I could go for a run and than have a stretch and go to church. Ready set ...Go!

Lost

Adjusting

Large adjustments, small adjustments and fine adjustments. I have been making large adjustments in my life not by choice. Adjustments are hard and it seems like they all come at the same time. I need to make some of my own adjustments but I'm scared. There I said it. I am afraid of what lies ahead. I'm afraid that the change won't work and I'll be stuck in this crazy cycle. I can't do this anymore. I need out.

I feel for people who can't figure out how to change their lives and when they try different things and are met with failure. It would be so frustrating to think you know what the problem is and than not be able to either change it or get the anticipated result.

It's humbling/humiliating to admit when you can't do something, especially when it seems as though everyone else is able to do it. Oh well that's life do what you can. Don't give up. Rejoice when you succeed.

The Oxymoronic Life...that's me:)

Dissatisfied satisfaction...discontent contentment...pursuit in waiting...constantly moving while in stillness.

I walk/run after You.
I'm still in training
If I go to hard at first disappointment will ensue.
I wait hard after You,
Knowing that in the stillness I find you.
I cry out with my ears,
Hoping to hear your voice.

I will pursue you in my waiting,
I will listen in my watching.
I will satisfy my soul in you,
But remain dissatisfied so that I pursue.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy

I think I should lent from Facebook but I've just made some fantastic new friends who are unattached and not very ugly:) Facebook is also very useful to find out if people that you know may have parents who may or may not be your counsellor. Never mind when you realize one day that all your friends use your same counsellor. I think it would be a super easy session I could just show up and say you know all my friend that's how my week has been.

I love my counsellor. I think everyone should go to counseling. To have someone tie it all together for you and bring clarification. So good. The best part is that my first round with her she asked if I felt like I needed to come anymore and I said no. So we parted and than I only came back when I was traumatized at work so wonderful.

That's all I got on my brain.

Simplicity

Funny title for post that's being written on a train with an iPhone. The train is simple. Rules - don't miss the train. Walk around whenever you want. Go to the canteen whenever you want. If the train is pulling into the station feel free to stand up and walk around,go to the bathroom, talk on your cell phone. Now if I was flying, not so much. True I would already be there but with a lot more rules.

This is what I require of you, this is what is good do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with Me.

I think it sounds a lot like riding the train. He knows we get bogged down by rules which is why when He came to earth He simplified it even further to one word. LOVE! Love Me and love others. Now why is it so hard?

Reconciliation

If you are going to spend eternity with someone how do you reconcile with them so that you have a functioning healthy relationship?

Remember

It is good to remember what we have learned. I have learned to rejoice when life sucks. I remember that it is better to be single and pursuing Life than to be married and life pursuing me;)

I have met very interesting and amazing people this year. I was also reacquainted with me and my love for adventure. Sometimes I forget how fun I am, mostly due to media influences. So for Christmas I am going for a long beautiful walk. I believe I shall do this the 23&24 as well.

I love myself and am excited to see what the next few days will hold.

Vancouver

Liquid sunshine is pouring down outside the window. A Buddhist monk just walked by. I'm sitting snug and warm sipping fair trade organic coffee. Mmmmm

Beauty and Hard work

I have come to the conclusion that being beautiful is hard work. It takes effort to maintain. For instance my beautiful room requires maintenance or is turns into on obstacle course. Physical beauty sometimes hard sometimes easy. Mostly for me to receive a compliment all I need to do is have a shower, wash y hair and let it dry down. That's the somewhat easy part. The hard part is walking in confidence and not arrogance or fear a beauty tags along. I know you are probably thinking to yourself "I wish I had that problem."

So here's the deal, with beauty comes attention. Sometimes wanted and a often unwanted. What does a woman do. Wear a long skirt? Did that! Well wear a shirt that doesn't show cleavage. Uhh, did that too! So than the quest is to trust my Protector and to learn how to politely shut down unwanted advances yet be the love and light of Christ. See hard work.

That's all for to day:)

Checking out of Life!

"I'm taking a break from life." That's what i told my friend today. I said' "Life is too hard. Everybody I talk to is having a crisis." I had a crisis on Sunday. I came home from church sat on my couch and wept. I had just had a beautiful waffle breakfast and all I could do was weep. I thought I was going mental. NO, seriously! I had strong thoughts about checking myself into the psych ward. I thought, maybe I need a nap, so I napped. Nope. Then I thought, I probably need exercise, so I went for a walk, nope, still weeping. Maybe I should eat?! Nope not helping. So then i went to church. I had to, I didn't want to, but I had made a commitment and I couldn't back out.

I saw and friend and told her what was going on, she said I had entered the 4th level. What is that? Maybe i get to be a jedi warrior after I stop crying. Nope I get to be an interceding princess warrior!! How awesome is that. Okay so the 4th level comes after surface, physical, mental/emotional. It's the part where you find deep communion with Holy Spirit!! I watched a video from Steve Wilkerson and he was talking about anguish. He was asking where the anguish was and how anguish preceded great healing and triumph.

I am signing back up. Bring on the crap. I will weep and I will walk and we will triumph. Who am I joking I tried signing up for normal life. It was really boring and victories were lame because the valleys were more like slight depressions in the plateau of life. There were no mountains or rolling hills, just flat steady nothingness.

Hello life! Iiiii'm baaaaack. :)

The One

I am a big fan of "the One". My prince charming, my night in shiny armour, the man who will sweep me off my feet. Although i would just love if he sweeps, cause I don't:) I vacuum;)

In my years of seeing people get married and people get divorced I have made this conclusion. "The One" is the one you say I do too! Someone once said we become God's first choice when we say yes to Him. I think it is the same in marriage. I would however like to say that there are people who should not marry each other because of abusive patterns and completely opposite moral values and beliefs, but I think now I could marry almost anyone.

I have a friend who we we first met, I was certain God was going to have to kill him, because if He didn't than I would. Now however we are the best of friends, we see each others hearts and love one another as family. Is he perfect no, but than neither am I. I think this is what I am am seeing more and more is that I am a work in progress and if someone finds me or I find them and they are ok with that than I am okay with them:) Marriage and love is a choice. A choice to put our hearts out and to have them hit out of our hand and bruised and crushed, but to continue to trust in the One that truly holds my heart. I love Him and trust Him. He makes the walk easier and very beautiful.

I think I am getting smarter and more reasonable the older I get:)

Motherhood

The picture speaks for itself!(p.s. That's my nephew and my cousin-in-law.)

"I thought you just had a baby." "Did you have a boy or a girl?" "Uh, neither!" That's right folks in my lifetime, I have eloped in Las Vegas, had an afterwedding in Saskatoon(which my parents were informed they had attended). I am a social smoker and I have just recently had a baby but we're not sure if I had a boy or a girl, maybe had twins. I think it is interesting how no one knows who I married, but is certain I did and that I had a child, but no sex(literal and gender!!) LOL I crack myself up.

Ok but in all seriousness motherhood is not for the weary of heart. I often think of this verse.

Isa 54:1 NIV - "Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord.

I feel like I have a lot of children lately. I am watching them grow up in the LORD, but alas the only thing I am able to do is pray and encourage them to choose the Lord's way. I just want to shake them and say "Can't you see the path of destruction you are in?" But amidst all of this I see hope. I see people choosing the Lord and desiring to choose Him even if they can't quite cut those bonds yet. Mike was right when he said, "Demons are expensive to get, expensive to maintain and expensive to get rid of." The expense of getting rid of them is sooooo worth it.

So if you are reading this blog and are thinking she's talking about me, you're right I am, sort of. I just know that my prayer is for you to be free. I recommend this link if you want to know who you are and how God see you. He doesn't even reference Psalm 139!

2 Timothy 1:7 expanded/ expounded

For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear (timidity, fearfulness, and cowardice) but he has given us a spirit of power
(1) strength power, ability
a) inherent power, power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature, or which a person or thing exerts and puts forth
b) power for performing miracles
c) moral power and excellence of soul
d) the power and influence which belong to riches and wealth
e) power and resources arising from numbers
f) power consisting in or resting upon armies, forces, hosts

of Love (affection, good will, love, benevolence, brotherly love)

and a sound mind (an admonishing or calling to soundness of mind, to moderation and self-control)


WOW who knew that it actually meant that! Love it.

I said Yes! The countdown is on!

I said yes and now I am super excited. I have to pull out all my organizational skills and powers of persuasion or rather prayer. I am anticipating people coming together to pray, but if it ends up just being me I will still enjoy it.

I am also teaching a class at my church on emotional and sexual integrity. I get to teach with a very dear friend so it will be a blast. Thanks for reading time to go prepare!!