Thursday, July 28, 2005

Something old, something new, nothing borrrowed, nothing blue

We had a cabaret last night at the school. It was awesome. There is a song that is very popular in Quebec right now it is called Saskatchewan. The longer I am here the more my heart grows for the French people and for those that hurt. It breaks my heart to watch young men and women seeking acceptance, joy, love and whatever in alcohol and dancing. Now not all people that are drinking and dancing seek these things, some are like me and we are there in order to serve and touch the hearts of our peers. Some are just there because they love to dance. I was reading Philippians 2 this morning and it says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better then yourself.” This is hard when you constantly hear all the gossip in English and French. I had an interesting experience as I was walking down the street. There was a young woman ahead of me and she was being propped up by friends, because she was to intoxicated to walk on her own. I asked my friends “Are they taking her to the Bellevue (The local dance spot for students)?” They told me that that is what this young woman does she gets really drunk then goes dancing. I met her at the train station; she is very nice and very beautiful. It is sad.
I have been struggling through old wounds of rejection and self-defeating talk. I believe God gave me a real break through yesterday when I realized that I was berating myself in another language. I have believed the old lie that God loves me because of what I don’t do, so I said to bad for that and proved it wrong. All my friends really like dancing, so I went out with them and had a marvelous time. I am sad that I didn’t break through the crap sooner, C’est la vie. We go to Quebec City this next weekend; I am excited and scared all at the same time. I really want to have a good time and not be focused on myself. I am choosing to believe that God didn’t bring me out here to act like a wounded, bound up captive, but rather as his warrior and princess. Thanks for the prayers.

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