Thursday, July 28, 2005

Love and Beauty

July 27, 2005

It is my third last day in Trois-Pistoles and I am having a good time socially, but failing miserably in the spiritual department. Or am I? What do you suppose God? I have been reading Dwayne’s journey and about laying down the life. Oh God I have used your name in vain and have used words that do not glorify your name. Why do I feel as though I am 14 and lost? One of my friends wrote and was talking about being above reproach in life. At first I was mad, because I did not want to be considered unsafe. If I avoid being alone with a male am I really above reproach or am I just not alone with a male? I do respect the decision, maybe I feel below reproach or just indifferent. I guess I am at a point where if you are going to judge me for doing good things then I will suffer the punishment for doing good things. Rahab offered safety to multiple men and the people of her town probably assumed that she was fairing her trade with them. Reading Captivating has re-inspired me to be who God has made me. I want that men would not fear women. I know that women are quite powerful, (no sarcasm). The beauty of women is seductive and powerful we have the ability to crush and build men whether we know them or not. I find many men, when I am out and about, telling me that I am beautiful. I say this not to brag, but to express a need and a point of vulnerability.

Petite rabbit trail (route de lapin)
An encouragement to you men both single and married, we need to know that we are beautiful and as brothers in Christ we need your pure compliments. I know some of us will have a hard time accepting it as a pure, no strings attached compliment, but that is just our and apprehension. Be encouraged and of strong heart we try to accept the compliments with grace. I am learning a lot from the kids I am teaching, like the old saying goes they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

If I wasn’t who I am I would probably go home with a lot of these men, because they are satisfying a natural emotional and mental need in me. I wonder, NO I know that what they see is not just my physical beauty, but the beauty of Jesus in me. I do know that I am beautiful, heck I look in the mirror some days and say “Wow you are looking hot today!”J C’est vrai! Then I know and see the affirmation and love both men and women crave. How, how am able to walk away from these people for the sake of me saving face? I need to give them love as much as they need to feel it. I think that is one of the many reasons I want to be married, so that I can have a man to partner with me to love the lost and hurting. To have a man who will love me with the unconditional love of God and look at me and think that I am the most beautiful women he has ever seen and that he loves me more than I could ever know. I have discovered that after I have been with my Dad (Derek) and brothers that I do not crave as much to be married. I think this is because I know that my dad and brothers love me unconditionally, I know this because I have cost my Dad a lot of money in stupid mistakes, yet he continues to love me and when he can blesses me with physical gifts. He sets the bar pretty high for showing love to me for other people. (Sorry [désolé] if that is an awkward sentence.) It is a funny thing how God works that out for me. When I am feeling my lowest He arranges for me either to talk with my papa or see him. Oh how I miss my family natural and spiritual. This is the longest in my life that I have been without intimate fellowship of other believers, especially my church family. I am glad for these deserts, because it gives me deeper appreciation for what I have, a better idea of who I am and what I need to do. I am excited for the new ministry opportunities that God will put in my way. I say way because if I do not embrace opportunities as a gift they a burdens and in the way of my human plans, but if I take each second as it comes it guides and enriches my way.

almost caught up

le 25 juin, 2005

I left Montreal at 9:15 this morning. It was sort of hazy out from the forest fires. I noticed that it became very dark and I hardly saw anything and what I did see was all blurry until Quebec City, Oh yeah maybe that is because I was sleeping. I am on the bus and it is a very nice way to travel, although I am weighed down by some of my baggage. This definitely can be taken in spiritual contexts. I am disappointed in myself today, because I gave into fear and hardly saw my family in Montreal, but maybe a foundation for phoning has been laid. We are all on the same network, so it is free calling anytime of day. I am very excited to return to Trois-Pistoles. I hope and pray that I will be able to come to Quebec City, but even if I don’t I know that I will be in the place where I am supposed to be.

Another addition

June 16, 2005

Another day was spent recovering from my cold. I feel a bit of pain in my ears, but I believe that God will heal me. I am learning to play a new song in French on my guitar. It is “Éclaire Ma Vie.” It is odd to think that I will be returning to T-P, but I anticipate the adventure and the growth I will gain. I would really like to ask one of the people who wants to separate from Canada to explain to me why and if anything would be able to change their minds? I have this funny need to understand what it is that people are thinking and why they do what they do. I have been “reading” (I choose a title from the table o’ cont’ then read) the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. There is this story of three women who are having an hour of silence to discover what the lies in their life are. Anyways they break through their fear and lies and save their roommate who is being spiritually attacked through an “asthma attack” They prayed and her breathing was restored. Anyways I have been believing a lie for the past 6 months actually my whole life that my older brother doesn’t really want anything to do with me and that if I phone him while he is trucking he will be sleeping and I will wake him up, which will put him in a bad mood and I will have all my fears confirmed. I should also mention that I have been deeply impressed over the past weeks and months, actually I was told by God to tell my brother how much I love and appreciate him, but I keep telling God I am too tired too busy, too stressed, too sick…basic disobedience tactics. Anyways I phoned him tonight and he sounded genuinely happy to hear from me. He asked me very nicely if I could phone him tomorrow around 9:00 at home. WOW! That is totally amazing. I am actually anticipating phoning him, this is huge for me. We have gone through a lot my brother and I. God has done some pretty big healings in my heart over minor childhood issues that affected me in a major way and I know that God is able to do more than I can hope think or imagine.

Love Sherry

p.s. The chapter title was princess warrior hee, hee, hee
p.p.s. Please continue to pray for my health and a full recovery. I have been coughing for the past hour and have little desire to sit in a doctor’s office for the better part of a day.


Hello all you email addicts who just love to know where I am and what is going on!

Thanks Gwen for the advice on reading Daniel, it has been a real affirmation to my faith. It was very bizarre to come to the realization that he was the head of the magicians, conjurers, satraps(who knows what they are) and a whole bunch of people that called on evil spirits to do their bidding. I have not come to the part yet where he packs his bags, tells God that this is stupid working with a bunch of self-consumed devil worshippers and goes home. Actually, I think his story is that he serves God Faithfully until the day he dies. Funny how God does not put us on a fluffy white cloud to ride through this life, but actually lets us walk through the mud and poop so that we remember we need him. Have I mentioned how much I love being away because it stretches and tests and how much I wanted to cry and come home when I was at a Pentecostal church here on Sunday. Of course no one was dancing in the aisles, but I was definitely grooving in my seat. I think God let me be sick so that I wouldn’t scare them with my Mennonite dancing.

I am really glad to say I know some very incredible Christian men and women, husbands and wives. If I have any right to say this then I will.(if not Dianne can delete it before forwarding it on) Please tell the people in your lives how much you love them and appreciate them. If you are really not appreciating someone right now then tell them you are really glad that god made them unique. My roommate at T-P was really getting on my nerves. Why? Because I can be a self absorbed prick who gets grumpy. I know you all thought I was perfect and hopefully I have been away long enough that if you talk to my roommates that will disagree with me, but I know it is true. I was feeling insecure, ugly and friendless, because I forgot that I am a warrior princess. I am a daughter of the Living God, YAHWEH, Yeshua. I know the dude who gave me puddles to jump in when no one was looking, okay when people were looking too, but I know Him. I am sorry tell me again why I was feeling sorry for myself, oh right cause I’m human and it takes less self discipline and faith to look at my faults than at the amazing qualities, sorry amazing God given talents I have. I AM THE DAUGHTER OF THE KING OF KINGS. I know that to look at my circumstances with family life right know physically, financially, emotionally and possibly spiritually is probably comparable in some ways to a living hell, but at this moment at this minute who cares I KNOW JESUS. The joy of the Lord is my strength and I had forgotten that and tomorrow I may not even remember I wrote this(it’s an ADD thing[I got it]) but God is here right now “in this moment, in this moment I am found, I am alive in this moment” Starfield??? My friend’s dad just died of a massive heart attack. All I have is this moment I am going to make it count. Wow! oh yeah a little quiz for all you people who live with other people and for all you people who don’t live with other people figure out a person to take this quiz on. Okay it’s really hard if you haven’t practiced so if it takes you a long time to think of the answers it just means you will have to practice more. Ready?

What are your favourite qualities in the people you live with?
Tell the person or send them a hand written note. NO EMAILS

I love you guys please don’t throw me out of the church for my boldness, in the words of Paul I you think I am being bold because I am away just wait till I get back(Sherry’s Version)

un autre

I just got back from Quebec City. I had a pretty good time. I saw the old Quebec and had a tour of the wall. I even went to a little Baptist church this morning, it was no Hope that’s for sure. I just was talking with my mother and I would like to ask for prayer for my parents. They have been going through a lot of stress and my dad had a slight memory loss when he woke up from a nap. It is restored now, but God has got to do something or they have to hear in a very special way. I am concerned for Dad because of the lack of good Christian, spirit’ led male friends. He needs a lot of love and healing from wounds inflicted by his family. This is weighing heavy on me right now and I need the strength and prayers of every one of you to make it through this summer and be where I know God has called me. Yes I will be staying in Trois Pistoles until August 15. I will be in Montreal from June 11- June 26, then back here to work. I am working as and animateur for L’École D’anglais. I will be teaching kids 8-12 and just having a lot of fun with them. I am very excited for this. I hope to make it into Quebec City for the Weekend of the marriage the train takes about two hours so hopefully I willl make it Thanks for your prayers and love. I will send my new address once I know where I am living

Something old, something new, nothing borrrowed, nothing blue

We had a cabaret last night at the school. It was awesome. There is a song that is very popular in Quebec right now it is called Saskatchewan. The longer I am here the more my heart grows for the French people and for those that hurt. It breaks my heart to watch young men and women seeking acceptance, joy, love and whatever in alcohol and dancing. Now not all people that are drinking and dancing seek these things, some are like me and we are there in order to serve and touch the hearts of our peers. Some are just there because they love to dance. I was reading Philippians 2 this morning and it says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better then yourself.” This is hard when you constantly hear all the gossip in English and French. I had an interesting experience as I was walking down the street. There was a young woman ahead of me and she was being propped up by friends, because she was to intoxicated to walk on her own. I asked my friends “Are they taking her to the Bellevue (The local dance spot for students)?” They told me that that is what this young woman does she gets really drunk then goes dancing. I met her at the train station; she is very nice and very beautiful. It is sad.
I have been struggling through old wounds of rejection and self-defeating talk. I believe God gave me a real break through yesterday when I realized that I was berating myself in another language. I have believed the old lie that God loves me because of what I don’t do, so I said to bad for that and proved it wrong. All my friends really like dancing, so I went out with them and had a marvelous time. I am sad that I didn’t break through the crap sooner, C’est la vie. We go to Quebec City this next weekend; I am excited and scared all at the same time. I really want to have a good time and not be focused on myself. I am choosing to believe that God didn’t bring me out here to act like a wounded, bound up captive, but rather as his warrior and princess. Thanks for the prayers.